I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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