one might say we're banned from that church
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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