I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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