Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I need mimosas to revive my soul
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
