One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
