I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You left your phone here
Wait...
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