he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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