can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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