a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
