Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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