oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
