Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
