Plan B is the new Plan A
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
