I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
