Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
