I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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