I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
