He told me they were just razor bumps!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
