I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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