Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
