I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
