Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
