I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
