I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Welp...herpes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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