we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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