Duck Duck Cougar?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
