there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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