but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
