Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
