Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
