I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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