I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
