Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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