the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
