Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
