I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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