Swine flu. Run for my life!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
