the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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