Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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