my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
