I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
