Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
