I am in a vortex of obligation.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize