R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
