I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
