Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
