Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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