I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
