Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
