Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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