I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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